I realize this may be culinary blasphemy to some, but I’ve never believed that food was the primary reason to go on a kayak trip. Food was more of an obligation—something I needed to continue paddling and/or living, but not something that should make or break a trip.

Now don’t get me wrong—I enjoy good food. Meat and potatoes bore me—I’m much happier with Greek salads, grilled oysters and chocolate fondues (thank you Kim). I really appreciate good food—just not enough to bring it along myself on most trips. I figure this makes me a lazy, unpretentious, occasional gourmand who is perfectly willing to take awesome paddling trips with basic foods. In that vein, I have prepared a checklist of some of my standouts and standbys.

Sure, I’ve had some outstanding meals while kayaking. I guided after all, and most kayak guiding is three parts cooking and one part paddling. But during most of my guiding I was lucky enough to be teamed with people who were more into cooking than I. Most notably, I ended up guiding for three winters from a base camp featuring an exceptionally talented Belizean cook (thank you Amelia). As I gorged on fresh fish, conch and lobster along with her exceptional sides and desserts, my own urge to cook evaporated in the tropical heat.

It’s the kayaking, not the kuisine
Of course, no matter how wonderful the wildlife or spectacular the scenery, one eventually needs to eat. What’s more, dinner for two in the wilderness has terrific romantic potential. Actually, increasing group size seems to exponentially increase the value of good food, perhaps because the division of labor allows for more free time in camp. Or maybe mealtime is the perfect time to make up for interpersonal issues that arise as a result of double kayaks and group decisions. Either way, social paddling seems to beget more elaborate meals. Ever gone on a guided trip? Kayak companies mostly tour the same areas, so food is a way they can outdo each other. Yum.

This list isn’t about any of that. This is the sort of food you take alone, or with an equally unpretentious, lazy and/or taste-impaired friend or two. You won’t need a lengthy grocery trip, an armada of kitchen gadgets and a week off work to prepare these items. You can save your money and your time for the trip itself.

What happens when convenience wins out over taste? Or even nutrition? Ask most bachelors or students. Mac & cheese may not work well while kayak camping (I’ve tried), but there are plenty of alternatives. The important thing is, these trip foods are easy, inexpensive and quick, as you’ll want to spend that extra time poring over charts or traveling a bit further from the big city.

WARNING
This list is not meant to keep you alive on an epic journey to either pole. It has not been picked over by nutritionists or approved by government health agencies. Food critics have not written glowing reviews, and several of the items may rapidly turn toxic in warmer weather. Also, a wide variety of plants and farm animals (depending on toppings) may be harmed if this list is followed—do so at their, and your own, risk.

Checklist: Lazy Kayaker Food Suggestions

leftover pizza
I’m not going to lie—I love pizza. Good pizza is one of the finest forms of food there is, and leftover pizza makes for a delicious and filling breakfast, lunch or dinner on the day you hit the water. On winter trips, I’ve even had it the next day. A ziplock bag and strategic placement will keep the pepperoni, artichoke hearts and roasted garlic in place.

chocolate bars (with peanuts)
Best in cooler weather—they don’t remain intact in summer or the tropics, where you’ll have to rely on energy bars instead, which are more expensive and less tasty. Still, an economy pack of peanutty chocolate bars can provide that sugar/fat/protein fueled oomph you might need to finish a crossing, lug your gear across a mud flat or just get out of the sleeping bag on a rainy morning. On more remote trips, intact chocolate bars can also be used as currency if you meet other paddlers.

canned herring
I’m aware there’s something ironic about eating canned fish while floating on the ocean. It certainly speaks to how poorly we’ve preserved coastal habitat and maintained our fisheries. Still, even if you are able to get beyond overfished areas, you might find that the rod, reel, line, knife,  hooks, scales, blood, guts and grill necessary to catch, clean and cook fish just doesn’t compare to the ease of popping open a can of herring fillets in Louisiana hot sauce. They might only be edible in the great outdoors, but they’re inexpensive, low on the food chain, and contain quality protein and omega 3’s (I think). Herring and sardines are even sustainably fished, winning “best” ratings from both SeaChoice.org and Seafood Watch.

nuts
Speaking of protein, I could have just put peanut butter on the list—I’ve seen young vegetarians literally live off the stuff. However, I don’t like it that much. There are more tasty nut butters (almond and hazelnut come to mind), but nuts overall seem to be moving up in the nutritional world now we’ve realized fats aren’t bad all the time. That’s good, because nuts are easy. Bring mixed nut medleys in ziplocks or even canned if you’re worried about preservation—they’re tasty and energy packed.

fresh fruit
Ah, fresh fruit. It’s fast food, and in season it’s cheap, nutritious and delicious. Sure, most people don’t backpack with it because it’s heavy and/or fragile—but savvy paddlers know the nooks in their boats that will keep apples, grapes, bananas and oranges intact, especially if you use rigid containers. In the right season you might try mangos, plums, cherries and even pineapples. All you need is a knife.

canned peaches
I realize that the variety of fresh fruit available can be limited and seasonal. On the other hand, there’s nothing quite as sunshiny as peaches on a dreary winter day in the wilderness. Fresh peaches never travel well, and canned fruit isn’t something a backpacker would carry, but on a kayak trip? Hey—open up a can of sweet, decadent peaches. Yes, there are other canned fruits, but if you sing that “millions of peaches, peaches for me” song in the middle of nowhere, the epicurean and musical bliss will never fail to improve your mood.

fresh vegetables
OK, stop singing and let’s get back to the fresh stuff. Fresh veggies travel even better than most fruits and last longer, too. Things like onions can be tossed into just about any meal; broccoli and carrots can also be eaten raw as snacks. Don’t cut or even rinse them first—just wrap and go. In bear-free camps they will keep remarkably well in hanging mesh bags.

instant rice meals
You know those bags in the rice section? They’re not exactly instant, and some require simmering that is beyond the on/off capability of many ultra lightweight stoves. But you’re not backpacking. Bring a stove that’ll simmer, toss in some of those fresh veggies you stuck in the bow, and you’ll have a cheap, easy and flavorful dinner. I’m fond of the Louisiana connection—go Cajun. They also make great sides for fresh seafood if you do catch or collect your own (see “Eat Your Neighbors,” WaveLength, Jan 2000).

personalized gorp
How long could you survive on the right “trail” mix? Days for sure, weeks probably and if you’re good, months or more. There are some interesting varieties ready made, but it’s often more fun to find a store with a good bulk section and get creative. With those dried fruits, pretzelish carbs and nutritious little seeds, gorps keep remarkably well and provide plenty of calories. I’ve seen especially lazy paddlers throw in a wide variety of things and have gorp for breakfast, gorp for lunch...

the deli lunch
Most things on this list are inexpensive—when I have the time to go kayaking, I usually don’t have much money. If you have some spending money, take a trip to your local deli for that first or second lunch. With careful choices and some minor repacking, you’ll hit that wilderness beach with such delights as roasted red peppers, jalapeno stuffed olives, Havarti cheese and crusty French bread to eat it all with. Lengthy prep time be damned—you can hit the deli on your way out of town, and eat like royalty in the wild.

waterfront dining
For better or worse, there are an increasing number of paddling areas where you don’t really even have to pack food if you don’t want to. As more people get into the sport, and more waterfront gets developed, a lot of kayakers find themselves paddling past restaurants, pubs, B&Bs, resorts or local markets. For those of us who love wilderness, this trend is a mixed blessing at best, but no matter how you slice it, packing some money or a credit card is a lot easier than packing food, utensils and cookware.

Biologist Bryan Nichols has done some of his best kayak trips with food from this list. Next up is a solo sojourn in the Florida Everglades.